A letter to my friends

As I've been considering what I want to share on this blog, it ocurred to me that some of what I write here is likely going to be very surprising to my friends. I think they are going to be surprised to learn that I am not the person I seem to be, surprised at the mask I show to the world compared to how I feel inside. I appear to be outgoing. I am not. I appear to have it all together. I do not. I appear to have control over my life. I do not.

I am writing this blog in part because I desire to be the person I appear to be on the surface. I want to stop hiding behind this mask of self-assurance which really does not reflect how I feel on the inside. I'm hoping that my friends can be patient with me as I work through this process. I'm all too good at sabotaging friendships. That's part of the reason I want to work through this process. I'm tired of caring about people while unconsciously doing things to push them away from me. They don't deserve that kind of treatment and neither do I.